I was reading this article about Ray Rice’s wife, Janay Palmer stating that the media has ruined her life.
At first thought I want to call her all kinds of dummies, and fools…but at second thought I realize that her words are the classic words of an abused woman. Because my thought was, how in the world can she marry a man who would do that to her? Then I was told that they’ve been together since they were kids. The abuse probably started then and has continued over the years.
Janay’s story is like many other women who stay in abusive relationships for various reasons. Some of the reasons women say they stay in abusive relationships are for the kids, I didn’t have my own, I didn’t have anywhere to go, he’s not always like this, he promised to stop. And the list goes on.
She states in an Instagram (the media) post
“No one knows the pain that the media & unwanted options from the public has caused my family. To make us relive a moment in our lives that we regret every day is a horrible thing. To take something away from the man I love that he has worked his ass of for all his life just to gain ratings is horrific.”
“THIS IS OUR LIFE”
This statement resonated with me. Janay is upset with the media, because she didn’t want us to see the life that she’s been living, the life that she has decided to participate in. Because I’m almost certain, that this altercation wasn’t the first.
“If your intentions were to hurt us, embarrass us, make us feel alone, take all happiness away, you’ve succeeded on so many levels.” –
This is classic projection…this is already how she feels, this is how Ray makes her feel. But in the mind of an abused person, they blame everyone except the abuser. She’s embarrassed, she’s alone, she’s living without happiness.
She really trying to convince herself that she’s going to show the public what real love is.
I really feel sorry for them, as a couple and for her as a woman. When a time comes in a relationship where the idea to resolve conflict is to physically fight each other, that is not a space for growth, not a space for love. I feel for the daughter, because Janay probably came from a household where she was witnessed to abuse and this is why she equates it with love. Her daughter is going to see this and most likely repeat the pattern.
Domestic Violence is a serious thing. There is nothing funny about abuse, on a man, woman or child.
I hope they both get help and I hope she finds the power to know that she is worth so much more and deserves a better life for herself and their child.